Talking: The basics

• Start right away by dropping your "g's" - as in sailin' or drinkin'.

• Also avoid any pronunciation of "r's" so that "ever" becomes "e'er" and "never" becomes "ne'er".

• Begin every other sentence with a scowl and a hearty... "aargh."

Ahoy! - "Hello!"

Avast! - Stop and give attention. It can be used in a sense of surprise, "Whoa! Get a load of that!" which today makes it more of a "Check it out" or "No way!" or "Get off!"

Aye! - "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did."

Aye aye! - "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over."

Arrr! - This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it stinks!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made." And those are just a few of the myriad possibilities of Arrr!

Throw these in too:

Scallywag,   Walk the plank,    Aye Matey!,     Mutiny,     Ye dirty rat,     I'll have ye hung from the mast like the dog ye are

Advanced pirate lingo; or On beyond “Aarrr!”

Once you've mastered the basics, you're ready to start expanding your pirate vocabulary. Try these for starters

Beauty – The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by “me,” as in, “C’mere, me beauty,” You’ll be surprised how effective this is.

Bilge rat – The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. On TLAP Day – A lot of guy humor involves insulting your buddies to prove your friendship. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.

Bung hole – Victuals on a ship were stored in wooden casks. The stopper in the barrel is called the bung, and the hole is called the bung hole. On TLAP Day – When dinner is served you’ll make quite an impression when you say, “Well, me hearties, let’s see what crawled out of the bung hole.” That statement will be instantly followed by the sound of people putting down their utensils and pushing themselves away from the table. Great! More for you!

Grog – A drink, usually rum diluted with water, but in this context you could use it to refer to any beverage, and we aren’t prepared to be picky about that, either. Call your soda grog if you want. We won’t stop you! Water aboard ship was stored for long periods in slimy wooden barrels, so you can see why rum was added to each sailor’s water ration – to kill the rancid taste. On TLAP Day – Drink up, me hearties! And call whatever you’re drinking grog if you want to. If some prissy pedant purses his lips and protests the word grog can only be used if drinking rum and water, not the Singapore Sling you’re holding, keelhaul him!

Hornpipe – Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do. On TLAP Day – We are not big fans of the capering, it’s not our favorite art form, if you will, so we don’t have a lot to say on the subject.

Lubber – (or land lubber) This is the seaman’s version of land lover, mangled by typical pirate disregard for elocution. A lubber is someone who does not go to sea, who stays on the land. On TLAP Day – More likely than not, you are a lubber 364 days of the year. But not if you’re talking like a pirate! Then the word lubber becomes one of the more fierce weapons in your arsenal of piratical lingo. In a room where everyone is talking like pirates, lubber is ALWAYS an insult.

Smartly – Do something quickly. On TLAP Day – “Smartly, me lass,” you might say when sending the servant off for another drink. She will be so impressed she might well spit in your drink.

Abaft -- point nearer the stern of a ship than another

About -- to change tack

Acts of Pardon/Acts of Grace -- a letter of marque for a "reformed" pirate, thus making him a privateer

Aft -- Short for "after." Toward the rear of the ship.

Ahoy -- "Hello!"

Avast -- "Hey!" Could be used as "Stop that!" or "Who goes there?"

Barque -- three-masted sailing vessel, square-rigged on mainmast and fore and aft rigged on mizzen

Barquentine -- vessel resembling a barque, but square-rigged on foremast only

Belay -- Stop that. "Belay that talk!" would mean "Shut up!"

Belaying pin -- A short wooden rod to which a ship's rigging is secured. A common improvised weapon aboard a sailing ship, because they're everywhere, they're easily picked up, and they are the right size and weight to be used as clubs.

Bilge -- Nonsense, or foolish talk. The bilges of a ship are the lowest parts, inside the hull along the keel. They fill with stinking bilgewater -- or just "bilge."

Bilged on her anchor -- a ship pierced by her own anchor

Black Spot -- To "place the Black Spot" on another pirate is to sentence him to death, to warn him he is marked for death, or sometimes just to accuse him of a serious crime before other pirates.

Blimey! -- An exclamation of surprise.

Boom -- a spar used to extend the foot of a sail

Bosun -- Boatswain; a petty officer.

Bowline -- rope made fast to the leech or side of a sail to pull it forward

Bowse -- to haul with a tackle to produce extra rightness

Bowspirit -- spirit projecting from the bow of a ship

Brail -- to furl a sail by pulling it in towards the mast

Brig -- originally a abbreviation of "brigantine," but later a two-masted, square-rigged vessel

Brigantine -- a two-masted vessel, square-rigged on foremast and fore and aft rigged on mainmast

Bring to -- check the movement of a ship by arranging the sails in such a way that they counteract each other and keep her stationary

Brought a spring upon her cable -- a ship coming about in a different direction

Brulot -- Charismean word for a fireship (q.v.)

Buccaneer -- A general term for the Aelyrian pirates, most notably those of the Southern Seas.

Bucko -- Familiar term. "Me bucko" = "my friend."

Buffer -- chief bosun's mate who is in charge of discipline

Bumboat -- a boat privately selling goods or provisions to sailors on ships in harbors

Cable -- a large rope

Capstan -- vertical rotating cylinder used for winding up anchor and other cable

Careen -- to cause a vessel to keel over on its side to clean or repair its bottom

Cat o'nine tails, or just "cat" -- a whip with many lashes, used for flogging. "A taste of the cat" might refer to a full flogging, or just a single blow to "smarten up" a recalcitrant hand.

Chain shot -- cannon balls fastened together with chain

Chandler, or ship-chandler -- see Sutler.

Chantey -- A sailor's song. Also spelled "shantey" or "shanty."

Chase -- The ship being pursued. "The chase is making full sail, sir" = "The ship we're after is going as fast as she can."

Chase guns -- cannon on the bow of a ship

Clap in irons -- to be put manacles and chains

Clipper -- a fast sailing ship

Coaming -- the raised edge around a hatch

Corsair -- A more romantic term for pirate. But still a pirate.

Crimp -- a person who is tricked or press ganged (q.v.) into serving on a crew

Crow's nest -- A small platform, sometimes enclosed, near the top of a mast, where a lookout could have a better view when watching for sails or for land.

Cutlass -- A curved sword, like a saber but heavier. Traditional pirate weapon. Has only one cutting edge; may or may not have a useful point.

Cutter -- small, decked vessel with one mast

Davits -- a small piece of timber used as a crane

Davy Jones' locker -- The bottom of the sea.

Deadlights -- Eyes. "Use yer deadlights, matey!"

Dead men tell no tales -- Standard pirate excuse for leaving no survivors.

Doubloon -- A Daltinan or Port Alyxandryan gold coin, still in limited circulation. At different times, it was worth either 4 or 16 silver pieces, or "pieces of eight."

Draft -- the minimum water depth neccessary to float a ship

Driver -- large sail suspended from the mizzen gaff

Fathom -- depth measurement of six feet

Fireship -- a ship loaded with gunpowder and explosives, set on fire and sent to drift into enemy ports.

Flogging -- Punishment by caning, or by whipping with the cat.

Fluke -- broad part of an anchor

Fore, or forrard -- Toward the front end of the ship.

Frigate -- three-masted, fully rigged ship heavilly armed with 24 to 38 pound guns

Furl -- to wrap or roll a sail close to the yard, stay or mast to which it belongs

Gaff -- spar which holds upper edge of a four-sided fore and aft sail

Gangway! -- "Get out of my way!"

Go on the account -- to embark on a piratical cruise

Grog -- Generically, any alcoholic drink. Specifically, rum diluted with water to make it go farther.

Ground -- the bottom of the sea

Gun -- A cannon.

Halliards -- rope or tackle for hoisting a spar holding a sail

Hands -- The crew of a ship; sailors.

Handsomely -- Quickly. "Handsomely now, men!" = "Hurry up!"

Haul wind -- to direct a ship's course as nearly as possible in the direction from which the wind is coming

Heave to -- an order to stop

Heave down -- to turn a vessel on its side for cleaning

Holystone -- a piece of sandstone used to scrub the decks

Jack o' Coins -- the paymaster

Jack o' Cups -- the first mate

Jack o' Staves -- the first lieutenant

Jack o' Swords -- the bosun

Jack -- a flag or a sailor; showing how sailors would refer to thier ship's colors as one of the crew

Jack Ketch -- The hangman. To dance with Jack Ketch is to hang.

Jack Tar, or tar -- A sailor.

Job -- triangular sail

Jollyboat -- A small but happy craft, perhaps even one which is a little dinghy.

Jolly Roger -- The pirates' skull-and-crossbones flag. It was an invitation to surrender, with the implication that those who surrendered would be treated well. A red flag indicated "no quarter."

Keelhaul -- Punishment by dragging under the ship, from one side to the other. The victim of a keelhauling would be half-drowned, or worse, and lacerated by the barnacles that grew beneath the ship.

Killick -- the anchor

Lad, lass -- A way to address someone younger than you.

Landlubber or just lubber -- A non-sailor.

Lanyard -- any rope that ties something off

League -- three Aelyrian miles, or three thousand paces

Lee -- side away from the wind

Let go and haul -- order on tacking square-rigged ship given when the bow has just passed across the wind

Letters of Marque -- Papers issued by a national government during wartime, entitling a privately owned ship to raid enemy commerce, or even attack enemy warships. Early letters of reprisal were issued to merchants to make it legal for them to counter-raid pirates! A ship bearing such letters, and operating within their limits, is a privateer rather than a pirate . . . that is, a legal combatant rather than a criminal and murderer. The problem is that letters of marque aren't always honored, even by the government that issued them. The rather incompetent Captain Hart had letters of marque; his own country hanged him anyway.

Line -- A rope in use as part of the ship's rigging, or as a towing line. When a rope is just coiled up on deck, not yet being used for anything, it's all right to call it a rope.

List -- lean to one side

Loaded to the Gunwhales -- drunk

Lookout -- Someone posted to keep watch on the horizon for other ships or signs of land.

Lugger -- two-masted sailing vessel with a lug-sail rig

Mainmast -- the ship's principal mast

Maroon -- A fairly common punishment for violation of a pirate ship's articles, or offending her crew. The victim was left on a deserted coast (or, of course, an island) with little in the way of supplies. That way, no one could say that the unlucky pirate had actually been killed by his former brethren.

Matelot -- (pronounced "matlow") another term for a sailor

Matey -- A piratical way to address someone in a cheerful, if not necessarily friendly, fashion.

Me -- A piratical way to say "my."

Me hearties or me hardies -- Typical way for a pirate leader to address his crew.

Messdeck lawyer -- a know-it-all

Midshipman -- non-commissioned rank below lieutenant

Mizzen -- aftermost mast in a three-masted vessel

Nipper -- short length of rope used to bind anchor cable

Nipperkin -- a small drink

Old coat -- a veteran sailor (see "stripey")

On the Account -- The piratical life. A man who went "on the account" was turning pirate.

Patarero -- a muzzle-loading mortar that fires scattering shot, stones, spikes old nails, broken glass, etc.

Piece of eight -- An Aelyrian golden coin worth one Aureum or 8 Crowns. It was sometimes literally cut into eight pieces, each worth one Crown.

Pinnace -- small two-masted vessel; eight-oared ship's boat

Pirate -- A seagoing robber and murderer. Contrast with privateer.

Poop deck -- The highest deck at the aft end of a large ship. Smaller ships don't have a poop; the highest part aft is the quarterdeck.

Port -- (1) A seaport. (2) The left side of the ship when you are facing toward her prow.

Press Gang -- a group of sailors who "recruit" for their ship using violence and intimidation

Privateer -- A ship bearing letters of marque (q.v.), or one of her crew, or her captain. Thus, she can only attack an enemy ship, and only in time of war, but does so as a representative of her country. A privateer is theoretically a law-abiding combatant, and entitled to be treated as an honorable prisoner if captured.

Prow -- The "nose" of the ship.

Quarter -- 1) part of the side of the ship nearest the stern 2) mercy shown to an opponent

Reef -- (1) An underwater obstruction of rock or coral which can tear the bottom out of a ship. (2) To reef sails is to shorten them, tying them partially up, either to slow the ship or to keep a strong wind from putting too much strain on the masts.

Rigging -- general name for ropes, chains, and wires which hold masts, spars and yards in place and control movement of the ship

Rope's end -- another term for flogging. "Ye'll meet the rope's end for that, me bucko!"

Royal -- to sail against topgallant

Sail ho! -- "I see a ship!" The sail, of course, is the first part of a ship visible over the horizon.

Salmagundi -- a dish of chopped meat, eggs, anchovies, onions and anything else the cook can throw in; a piratical delicacy

Scuppers -- Openings along the edges of a ship's deck that allow water on deck to drain back to the sea rather than collecting in the bilges. "Scupper that!" is an expression of anger or derision: "Throw that overboard!"

Scurvy -- (1) A deficiency disease which often afflicted sailors; it was caused by lack of vitamin C. (2) A derogatory adjective suitable for use in a loud voice, as in "Ye scurvy dogs!"

Sheet -- line running from the bottom aft corner of sail by which it can be adjusted to the wind

Shiver me timbers! -- An expression of surprise or strong emotion.

Shrouds -- standing rigging stretched from the side of a ship to support the mast

Sink me! -- An expression of surprise.

Skysail -- sail above the royal

Sloop -- sailing vessel with fore and aft rigged single mast

Smacksman -- sailor on a cutter or ketch-rigged sailing vessel

Smartly -- Quickly. "Smartly there, men!" = "Hurry up!"

Snow -- two-masted merchant vessel, rigged as a brig with the addition of a trysail mast

Son of a Biscuit Eater -- not so much a sailor term, but a derrogatory term indicating a bastard son of a sailor

Splice the mainbrace -- To have a drink. Or, perhaps, several drinks.

Spyglass -- A telescope.

Sprogs -- raw, untrained recruits

Squiffy -- a buffoon

Squadron -- a group of ten or less warships

Square-rigged -- rig consisting of four-cornered sails hung from yards

Stanchion -- upright support

Stargazer -- a sail set above moonsail

Starboard -- The right side of the ship when you are facing toward her prow.

Start -- to hit with a rope's end or cane

Stay -- standing rigging fore and aft and supporting a mast

Strike the Colors -- to haul down a ship's flag as a signal of surrender

Strike -- to lower or hit

Stripey -- long-service able seaman (named for the many stripes on his sleeves, indicating an "old coat")

Sutler -- A merchant in port, selling the various things that a ship needed for supplies and repairs.

Swab -- A disrespectful term for a seaman. "Man that gun, ye cowardly swabs!"

Sweet trade -- the career of piracy

Tack -- lower, forward corner of fore and aft sail; in square-rigged ships, line controlling forward lower corner of sail; ship's coarse in relation to the wind

Tackle -- ropes and blocks

Top -- platform at masthead of ship for sailors to stand upon

Topgallant -- sail above topsail

Topman -- sailor who works on the sails

Topmast -- mast next above lower mast

Topsail -- sail above mainsail

Waister -- an incompetant sailor

Walk the plank -- A piratical execution. The victim, usually blindfolded or with bound hands or both, is forced to walk along a plank laid over the ship's side, to fall into the water below. Contrary to the beliefs of most citizens and adventurers, this practice was uncommon.

Weather -- side from which wind is blowing

Weigh -- to raise

Weigh anchor -- To haul the anchor up; more generally, to leave port.

Yard -- spar attached to mast to carry a sail

Yawl -- four-oared ship's boat or small sailing boat

Yo-ho-ho -- A very piratical thing to say, whether it actually means anything or not.

Advanced Usage
Here are some advanced techniques to get your "Pirate-ese" just right.

-tion
The "-tion" found at the end of words like "locomotion" and "promotion" is pronounced "-seeon". So, don't say "locomoshun", but "locomoseeon"; not "promoshun", but "promoseeon".

Missing Letters
There are a few letters you should never pronounce. The first of them is "g". Drop all your "g"'s when you speak and you'll get words like "rowin'", "sailin'" and "fightin'". Dropping all of your "v"'s will get you words like "ne'er", "e'er" and "o'er".

Big, Bigger, Big Biggest!
Pirates are dramatic, and their speech is doubly so. Pirates never speak of "a big ship", they call it a "great, grand ship!" They never say never, they say "No nay ne'er!" Double up on all your adjectives and you'll be bountifully bombastic with your phrasing.

De-Conjugation
The conjugation is a rather modern invention, one that sailors always seem to be forgetting. Take the verb "to be" for example. Instead of saying "I am", sailors say, "I be". Instead of saying "You are", sailors say, "You be". Instead of saying, "They are", sailors say, "They be". Makes things a lot simpler, doesn't it?

#1:

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!

#2:

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

#3:

A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances

The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!! Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"

#4:

Why is pirating addictive?

They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!

#5:

#6:

What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
8 Pirates!

#7:

So there's this Pirate with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the pirate who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then he gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran pirate blush. At that point, he is so mad that he throws the it into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on. By the way, what did the chicken do?"